On Onety One.

I have recently formulated a theory that will blow everyone's (yes, even you) mind.

Have you ever wondered. Why 11 is pronounced 'eleven', when it should clearly be 'Onety-one', i.e. "WUHN-tee-WUHN"? Like. 21 is 'Twentyone', and 34 is 'Thirtyfour'. Similarly, I think that 11 should be pronounced (and would be if not for the reasons I suplpy below) 'Onetyone'!

BUT

Ah, here's the 'but', ladies and gents.

I posit that the reason why we refer to 11 as eleven and not onetyone is solely because of CORPORATE CAPITALIST PIG CONSPIRATORY CABALS. Yes, my friends, these CORPORATE CAPITALIST PIG CONSPIRATORY CABALS (CCPCCs) are the reason why a whole NUMBER SYSTEM has been raped of its regularity and logic!

See, the CCPCCs have a little something they call the Law, or as I like to call it, SOUL CRUSHING CONFORMA-RULES (SCCR) with which they came up with something called a 'Trademark'. With this 'Trademark' comes the necessity to ADVERTISE, which is, as we know, a regular tool for any fascist-whore CCPCC. ADVERTISE here meaning 'to destroy the very substance of what is called the human thought process'.

Now, previously, advertising has been limited to newspapers, radio, tv and tap water. But it is not enough for the capitalist bastards! They want MORE! They want to extend their reach so far that our own unborn children will enter this world with the desire to buy the latest Nike shitshoe!

HENCE, my friends, the CCPCCs (manifest in the 7-11 corporation) hath altered an entire NUMBER SYSTEM to surreptiously ADVERTISE their CONVENIENCE STORE CHAIN!

THINK!

Whenever you say '11' after '10', don't you immediately think of that goddamn chain of stores selling crappy stuff that's just down the street? Don't you feel the urge to grab a $20 overpriced Slurpee from the CONFORMA-BOT running the counter?! They WANT you to, my friends.

The CCPCCs have blocked reason and logic's true path in order to advertise 7-11 in every single acdemic lecture that mentions '11'!

Yes.

But we shall fight, my brothers and sisters. We shall fight.

Join me. As from now on I boycott the pronunciation of "Ee-Leh-Vehn". I will now say "Onetyone", and refer to the number after 10 as such.

And for the sake of your dear soul.


I hope you do too.